I want you to google Kris Gage and her article 'how to build self-esteem'. See if it helps in reframing some of your thinking.
I know you know that depression is serious business. it is awesome that you recognized it. I can tell you that I went for months and even a couple of years feeling that way and not recognizing it as depression, and so did not do anything to address it. I was a pretty pathetic person to be around I am sure. So, kudos on you for being self-aware and taking time to understand what you are going through.
As mentioned, you will cycle through ups and downs. And it's normal. As long as you accept it and know it will happen, that can tamp down the anxiety because it's not a surprise. And people can't just snap out of depression,which I am sure you also know. I am a fan of telling people to let themselves wallow in their self-pity, shame, depression for a day. Take 24 hours and just do a deep dive in it. But before you do that deep dive, plan what you are going to do the day after. Make a schedule. And then when you wake up after indulging yourself in that self-pity, you don't make excuses for what you planned and just do it. If you have to be a robot to do it, do it that way.
And then continue making that schedule every day and following through on it until you feel better.
Can't remember if you have an IC, but that's a great route to take. I am constantly learning with each IC appointment. Do you journal? Try that. My IC suggested that to me and I thought it was ridiculous. But then I gave it a try fully thinking this was a waste of time, and I saw the benefits of doing it from the first session. Now I am journaling a couple times a week and it has been super helpful. I have gotten so much clarity just from it. Give it a try.
If you don't know how to start journaling, just google how to journal to improve self-love. I came across a few sites that helped me to just start the process. Now I am on the path and it's good.
I just started my sojourn into learning photography. What do you want to do that you've never done? After a day of inaction and distraction, run the other direction into action.
