I then offered to move us back if that's what she really wanted, but she said no.
Sounds simple, and it sounds petty, almost wordsmithing. Yet, much the same as a criticism, over time, it will once again, appear to be your fix for HER problems....
You are coming from an era of you being in the father figure role to her, so any subtle references to that are gonna be majorly amplified over time.
Maybe a simpler...
Is there anything that I can do, to help ease your day ??
Notice that there is no calling it homesick ?? ( you diagnosing her)
Yea, me either....
It will show her that you value HER opinion and decisions, instead of assuming what she may or may not want.
Referring to your other question a bit here...
One of the things that I ask now is...
Name one task that you would love to complete today, that you absolutely hate doing, and I will do it for you...
Then leave that up to her. You do it, no questions asked...
In time, it will come around to be your turn for that to happen.
We teach people how we want to be treated....
At the end of the day, you are still the same Steve that you have always been. It's just now up to you whether or not the new bag of tricks is permanent, or if they will fade in time.
I have seen many come through here with a reconciled relationship, only to fall back into old patterns and be right back here in a few months.
There are things, and issues that you will know how you want to handle them, yet they may not always be the best way to handle them. Issues that you should be working on together, and it would be super easy to take those reigns and run with them,.
You have spent the better part of the past year thinking of ways to better you, and your communication skills, and your relationship skills. She has spent that time trying to tear those things apart......
Think about that....
So while you are super focused on the present and future. In time, that will fade a bit.
She is super focused on whether or not the new Steve is a mirage to her....which will also fade in time, with consistent actions and words.
In your above post, you mentioned that you were too distracted to see the signs before bomb day. The razor edge is being too distracted the other way now, and losing sight of who you are within the relationship...
Do not sell you, just to be married. Too many people do that and find that the process is just too hard for them, and they end it. Remember Cadet telling the that the LBS has more control than they think that they have ???
Yep....that is what he is talking about.
While all of the things that you do and say are nice, there is also a small part of your independence that attracted her back...
Find that balance between the two....
I hope that this makes some sense to you, I keep getting interrupted...: )
IF.....you had a page on a large social media site, that had your posting name, and DB last name....
That might be superfly cool...jus sayin
So, take your time getting close again. There is no rush to define what is or isn't....
