Struggling with what to do

[ovrrnbw]

I just feel like no amount of awesome would make her come back so why bother trying. And then there is the thought that I don't even know if what I think is awesome is also what she thinks is awesome. So I might think I am doing great, going out, getting a life, being all together and what not, all the while she just sees me the way I have always been.

If no amount of awesome would bring her back, then that's out of your hands. Worry about what you can control. Nobody knows how awesome something is until they see it and realize it, that happens on it's own time.

You can't control her perspective, so you do the awesome for you, and if she notices then great. Fake changes are easy to spot anyways.

And yeh, I know, I need to do a lot more things for myself, just struggling to see the point in all of it right now. I am trying, but it is so incredibly hard to function as a solo person after all this time. I feel like someone's ripped my right arm off and my heart out with it. I don't have a lot of friends, and certainly no close ones, they have all disappeared over the years, so she was not just my wife, she was my best friend (or so I thought), so losing that as well just [censored].

The point is to enjoy your life!!!! You could die tomorrow so take advantage of this opportunity you have to make today worthwhile! It may be hard to function right now, but hard is not impossible - you can do it.

As for making new friends, go to meetup.com.

Also, you could go work out of a coffee shop or Panera. There will be people there, you'll be super mysterious in your new life, and you won't have to look at your W anymore. Sounds tempting to me....