Davide - I think it is the healthier place to reach where the issue of D or no D loses all power and you don't care. I don't mean you don't care as in a callous way, but that the issue of D doesn't make you afraid, anxious, and feeling like a failure.
And then if you started with not wanting a D at BD, take time to contemplate when you reach the place where you are thinking of D. File for D from a place of strength, and not as a technique or impulsiveness. I am not saying you are any of those things, but just talking about the mental and emotional state you want to reach.
For me, I didn't start out wanting a D. And I still don't think D is the answer to the problems we had in our marriage. However, I am not afraid of life after D and without her. I have already made huge strides and I know I am on the path of creating a fulfilling life by myself. So now I am contemplating about filing for D. I have been thinking about it for a few months now, but haven't acted on it yet. Partly cuz where I am at you need 12 months of separation to file. Those 12 months officially were up end of June. So, I can file whenever I want.
I am giving myself just a little bit more time to make sure I have reached a place where I am not subconsciously using D as a technique or being impulsive. I used to make decisions impulsively at times, and I have done a 180 on that to make sure I reflect enough, but also not go into decision paralysis.
Anyways, what I am saying is that, my eventual action of filing for D will be to celebrate my growth and ability to move on with my life. I have been moving forward so far, but I haven't moved on. I gave everything I could to save the MR and I want to make sure that I have no regrets.
So, the healthy spot to reach is where you are grounded and able to create a wonderful life for yourself. If your partner comes back, that's one path. If they don't, but you still live your life and grow, then that's a different path. D is just a pit stop on your path. My life is effectively a D life just without the official paperwork.
As Vanilla says - it is always the LBS who controls the final decision. And that's hella true.
