Thanks Gerda. I'm not sure why I feel the need to make a decision now. I think you are right, I might feel like I need to decide in order to help myself move forward. I am moving a little bit, but I think the taste of some minor detachment has caused me to want to make bigger strides in that direction. Realizing that is why I feel that way will help I think. I know that I can't rush my way through healing, even if I may want that. At this point I still have a hard time visualizing any kind of reconciliation, but I guess that does't matter as I probably don't even need to be thinking about that. That line of thinking is keeping me from myself. I can at least say that I don't spend all day thinking about that like I did previously. Now it just pops up here and there and I deal with it as I can. I think I've just been going through a phase the last few days where that has been my line of thinking. Between yesterday and today I can feel myself shifting out of that again...its an ongoing process.
I'm not sure how you have handled a live in for 5 years. You are a pillar of strength and a real inspiration. Thank you for being you and sharing your experiences with me and others. I really just need to focus on being ok with being alone. The last 20 years of a relationship I think has caused me to be addicted to being with someone. I am starting to get used to and like being alone, but I'm still working on feeling that way every day.
