Thanks Cadet for the introductory post, I read my way through all of it before posting, but good to have it on my thread!
Steve85, thank you so much for your reply, it really helps. I just feel like no amount of awesome would make her come back so why bother trying. And then there is the thought that I don't even know if what I think is awesome is also what she thinks is awesome. So I might think I am doing great, going out, getting a life, being all together and what not, all the while she just sees me the way I have always been.
She never complained about anything I was or wasn't doing, so it is hard to do 180s, if I don't know what I should be doing differently.
Also, I just realised, I did not mention I am female. She was the first (and to date only woman) I fell in love with, but maybe I just wasn't "gay enough" for her? The new "friend" I am suspecting her to have at least an emotional affair with is gay with bells and whistles, so now I am wondering if I'm lacking something no amount of awesomeness can compensate for.
