You have come a long way. I have held my breath, whenever I thought you might start spinning again. I think you've gone longer, and I can see improvement. If you could just cut that emotional cord to her.........
The thing that is going to keep you emotionally attached to her is this texting. I mean, it doesn't really make much difference about the context.......it's b/c you pick it apart and analyze it. She has power over you, when you spend hours wondering why she said something, what she meant, what time she texted, her patterns, etc.
You know you will not be able to have a normal relationship with her. You won't be able to have a normal co-parenting relationship. You won't be able to be "friends". You can't even have "clear communication" (whatever it was you said you wanted with her), b/c it always leads to you analyzing it to death. How will you ever detach as long as this texting goes back & forth? You are wanting something with her that just can't happen. The desire is still there, deep in your heart. (((hugs)))
If you can let go of wanting to have something with her, and let go of texting her.........then I think you'll start making amazing progress. Until then, you still have that rope around her. Please don't see this as a 2x4. I am not blaming or picking on you. I want to put my arms around you and tell you that you can conquer this rope if you can truly accept that you can't have anything with her. I know you'll say S3 will always keep you attached. He is used as an excuse to text, but the texting I've seen was not necessary. It was an excuse to reach out to her. Logistics seem to be a big issue with S parents these days. I think a lot of that could cease, but that's JMHO. Have a set schedule, and set swapping designation, and time.......and cut out all this extra texting. It's holding you back, Orange.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
