This is exactly what I'm struggling with. I am every bit as anti-D as you are, but I always thought PA was a hard boundary for me. However, the more I search for God's guidance on recovering from infidelity I am constantly led to God's desire for us to reconcile.
I know I am not truly ready for a D, but that may just be me still struggling with attachment since it's not been quite 3 months since BD. I'm just unsure whether I truly want her back or if I'm just afraid of letting go.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
