Hi All, As the title of the forum suggests, I am a newbie here. I have read the DB book but am just not sure what to do.
Six weeks ago, fairly out of the blue, my wife told me our marriage is over. We've been together for 14 years, married for just under 3. When I say fairly out of the blue, I mean I felt something wasn't right, but put it down to her being really busy and stressed at work as she is most of the time. Never in a million years would I have expected her to come home to tell me she is done with the marriage.
After the initial shock I suggested marriage counseling which she turned down. Next came an angry period where I told her I would never forgive her for giving up that easily on us, and I still feels this way. In front of her, however, I managed to pull myself together and act like I was ok with it being over, we started working out how to split our assets, get the house sold, divide the dogs etc. So I presume this is classed as the "Last resort" option in the DB book. But I am having a hard time figuring out if anything I am doing is working or just "letting her off the hook" so she can carry on with her new life. I am suspecting an affair, if not physical, then definitely emotional, she has made a new "friend" a while back, who I know she has been talking to.
I feel incredibly lost as I am sure all of you can understand. I have been to see a counselor but that didn't really help me, all she did was summarize how I felt, I wanted some constructive ideas of what to do. I have good moments where I can just picture myself and the dog I am keeping getting on with our lives, but only to drop into a big black hoole the next minute thinking about everything I am about to lose. Our marriage wasn't perfect, she is a workaholic who rarely had time for me or doing family stuff, so maybe I would be better off out of there, but I just can't face the thought of her not being in my life at all.
We still live in the same house but in separate areas, so contact is restricted to arranging for the sale and the odd chat about the dogs. I try and be upbeat in these conversations and always be the one to end them, but I feel like that just helps her get over the guilt of leaving me when she sees that I am doing great.
What else can I do? I feel like she owes me at least a go at counseling but I obviously can't force her if she "knows how she feels". Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated.
