Thread #6: Piecing and R.....plus parenting a 15yo

[SteveLW]

Sorry for the hijacking of your thread Steve. If you prefer, we can continue this conversation on my thread.

Where I come from they refer to the lottery as a tax on stupid people, so I've never played. Isn't that just an example of delusional hope leading people to make poor decisions and waste their hard earned money? You are demonstrably better off not playing the lottery than you are participating in it.

You asked why I am so attached to this idea that one must drop hope to detach. Obviously, I personally feel like hope is what is holding me back. Unrealistic hope. It feels to me that once I extinguish that completely I will be more ready to move on. Maybe I am wrong about that. I freely admit that I am a noob and don't have the experience of so many of you. At the same time, I don't know that I want to be on these boards in 4 years still in limbo (not a dig at you, Vapo, I have no idea of your sitch.)

I actually agree with you on the lottery. I am pretty staunchly opposed to gambling, legally or illegally. But mtb made a good point that most that play the lottery do so reasonably do to the hope of winning, without depending on winning it for their future well-being. But guess what, you are right, the vast majority would all be better off NOT playing it. Just like the vast majority of us would be better off NOT having to go through our sitches.

I also like that you gave a caveat on your feelings of hope, whether you did so intentionally or not. You said "Unrealistic hope". Now that is completely different! Unrealistic hope, the way I define it, is hoping for something that is completely impossible. Like "I hope a million dollars materializes out of then air on my table!" or "I hope that I could have the power to perform magic!' Yes, that is unrealistic hope. But I submit to you that there is always REALISTIC hope in our sitches. It is COMPLETELY possible that WASs and WSs can come to their senses, realize what they are doing is bad and harmful, and resolve to recommit to their LBS and work on the MR.

I think you are confusing "LIKELY" and "POSSIBLE". Possible means it COULD happen, even if unlikely. (Like winning the lotto is POSSIBLE, though unlikely, vs a million dollars materializing out of thin air on your table which is IMPOSSIBLE.)

So yes, unrealistic hope is foolish. It is chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But realistic hope is a powerful force that we should always encourage to hold on to. The cancer patient's realistic hope that they can be cured is what causes them to endure tough and difficult treatments that might help them realize that hope. I would submit that your sitch is the same way. There IS realistic hope, it is POSSIBLE that your W could change her mind and reconcile. It may not be LIKELY, but it is possible.