I've been lurking and following along with your threads, and all of the advice you give everyone. I really hope that one day my wife will wake back up and want to R, and stories like yours give me some hope when I just want to give up. I want to be able to let go the way you did and just trust that God has a plan for my life and my family.
DB346, thank you and good luck to you. If you had asked me in the days following BD if we had a chance for R I would have put it very low. At 2% or less. She just seemed so resolved and sure. And her actions definitely said that she was moving forward with her initial plan to get job, get an apartment and to D me. Sometimes her words said something different but for those first 3 weeks she seemed so resolved.
It wasn't until late January, that I started to see some actions that suggested she might be changing her mind. She quit working on her resume. She quit looking for apartments. She wasn't researching quick and easy divorces anymore.
Verbally she still rebelled against the MR, and she still did some things that weren't lining up wtih R (like messaging other guys). But the point is that her actions started to show something different than what she was saying.
If my sitch creates false hope for anyone it is probably more the hope that things will turnaround fairly quickly. Our sitch turned around fully, where she was back invested in the MR in about 2 1/2 months. That is very unusual and should not be expected. Many here were very skeptical because of the speed of the turnaround. Even I was wary of it and for 2-3 months afterward kept expecting the other shoe to drop at any moment.
So keep hope, bu more than anything BE patient. So many LBSs get impatient and give up on DBing. We recently had a poster here that insisted he knew better, started to do things that undermined his progress (and he had made great progress with DBing techniques), and the results were not good.
Hope is a powerful motivator and that is why I disagree with those that say that hope prevents them from DBing. Hope is what motivates most of us to keep DBing even in the face of evidence that suggests we should have no hope. But hope has to be coupled with patience, or the LBS is doomed to produce what they fear most and to be miserable while they go through it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
