WW having affair and pushing for divorce

[DB346]

I have been thinking a lot about how I feel like I was in such a fog for the last couple years. I have memories of things we did and places we went, but I honestly have trouble remembering what year they happened in. It got really bad just over a year ago and started to have horrible panic attacks when I decided to leave my job of nearly 10 years. I couldn't see for myself that I was fighting depression and just thought it was anxiety about the big change I was making. But, the panic attacks finally prompted me to go to the doctor, who gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant to try to level off my anxiety. Since I wasn't able to recognize that I was depressed, he presumed it was just situational. My wife didn't like me taking the medication and actually encouraged me to stop taking it after a couple months.

Looking back to a couple months pre-BD, she was trying to push me to start taking it again...she KNEW I was struggling with depression, even though I didn't realize it. She was trying to get me to start taking it again because she knew she was having an EA and was going to leave me to pursue a PA.

I love my wife with all my heart, and I want her back, but right now I know I have to work hard to get ME back.