Joseph, yes I continue to work through accepting that no matter what there may have been nothing I could do in my sitch. W may simply be done and want out. As you say Sh*t happens to good people all the time. If my W does not want the MR, it is what it is. On a side note my middle sister who was telling me she was WW, well last night I got great news. She had spoken with my BIL about being unhappy/her struggles, asked him to work with her by going to IC/MC and he agreed! He did not get angry, validated her feelings...wonderful news! Now they have a long road for sure, BUT they together want to try and save their MR. At least there is real tangible hope for them. I prayed thanks to God for my sister choosing the right path, my BIL for being receptive to IC/MC and most of all that my nephews and neice might still have their family saved and maintained. At the same time, however, I couldn't help ask of God...is my young D not worthy of the same? Why can my W not have the same revelation? I know it was mostly a rhetorical ask, but I couldn't help myself to ask if them, why not my W and I.
As for the rest of your comments, as I have been told many times by many people, a D in my sitch if it comes to that was entirely W's decision. And I've also been told that this entire event is likely not even about me. As you state there are likely within my W core issues within herself that she has not settled or come to terms with. It is tragic beyond words for the two of us to have married, had a beautiful D and then had this happen, but it has.
Davide, thank you buddy! You have been a constant support within my sitch and I very much appreciate you! Actually in your post you say exactly and much better what I was just trying to say to Joseph above. As you said:
"While going through that process it is hard to recognize that W is going through her own issues, and has her own problems. Her unhappiness may be partially related to the negative relationship, but most likely it has deeper roots and she needs to go through her own process of self-evaluation and self-growth. Anyone who walks out on a relationship without making an honest attempt to work through the problems clearly has issues of her own. That isn't a normal or healthy response."
Detachment for both of us is required first from our W's decision and then even a second level detachment must occur regarding what you describe above...separating within ourselves the perceived failures that we brought to the MR from the more deep rooted issues within our W that led to their BD and D decisions.
