I don't mean to belittle Sandi's rules at all, I think they are extremely helpful. I do question them being put forth in quiet reverence as if they are the words of the Lord which must never be looked at critically. I'm just not a fan of unquestioning belief in anything.
In terms of your question, I see what you did there. A very psychiatrist-like move. I ask you a question and you turn it back around on me and ask me what I think it means.
I have read through the whole detachment thread countless times. I have printed it out and have a dog-eared and underlined/highlighted copy sitting in my car right now. In short it is drawing back emotionally so that you are no longer codependent or overly emotionally reactive to another person. It is drawing healthy emotional boundaries. I'm sure I'm leaving out a lot, and I am interested in hearing what you think is important that I left out. That said, my question still stands. It seems to me that hope is the rope that we need to drop. It is strangling us and keeping us attached and under water. I'm happy to hear a differing opinion or to be proven wrong.
I'm not going to try to change your mind. Got answered my question quite well. What I'm missing is how detaching my way you describe above in any way leaves no room for hope. The rope is not hope. The rope is emotional attachment. You drop the rope and have the hope that despite no longer being held on she will come back to you. mtb that is a phenomenal analogy and describes perfectly that shows hoping for something and being dependent on it are two different things entirely.
Davide look deep inside. Ask yourself why you are fighting for this hope is the rope theory so tightly? Is there something about having hope that scares you? Why are you tying hope to attachment. And by extension the lack of hope to detachment?
mtb embodies this. He had done very well in his detachment from his WW. Hey mtb still occasionally expresses hope that she comes to her senses. The key is that he will be fine either way!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
