Davide, if you have a history of anxiety or depression then it may not be something you can control if it's caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. In such case you'd need medication right? Otherwise my suspicion is that neither a big group of people nor a solitary existence are the best fit for you at this time. It seems having contact with two or three close friends may make you more comfortable. If you don't have such friends I know there are anxiety and depression support groups in almost every city where you could meet some people going through the same thing. Regardless of your religious views, going to a church would likely help you to meet supportive and understanding people even if you don't plan to attend permanently. It's hard to walk into a new church or into a new group of people when you're feeling this way but sometimes you have to force yourself. I've never felt quite the way you describe but there are many days when I've felt totally lost and ungrounded without my husband. It's hard when you know you're pushing away the person you love and you can't give them what they need to stay. This is a challenging time in life. If you have the financial means I know there are online counseling services you could try by phone that could connect you with someone while yours is on vacation. One other suggestion is to try "Natural Vitality's Calm" a magnesium supplement if you don't have any health conditions that would prevent you from taking it. It doesn't do much for me but I never take the full dose. A lot of people swear by it. Arsh's suggestion about charity is a good one - if there's a volunteer opportunity even one day per week to help some people less fortunate that could really help turn things around for you. Even visiting a lonely elderly person in a nursing home - they have all the time in the world to sit and talk and they probably have a lot of wisdom to share. I'm confident you'll be able to take a few steps to help lift yourself out of this state until you find a few individuals to better support you. It feels impossible sometimes but you almost need to take yourself out of your body and just do it. I'll keep you in my thoughts! There's no name or face but I'll look out for your next update.
