Davide, don't be afraid to call family. Even if you just sob uncontrollably half the time, your loved ones only want to help you get through your pain. It's been almost 6 months since BD for me, and most days lately I feel like it might as well have been last night. I've long suffered depression as well, and it is definitely something that drained the love from my W, too. I finally got past the shame and fear of seeking help for it (sadly, right around the time just before BD) and for me, IC alone is not enough and medication has absolutely kept me from the abyss of that self loathing, self defeating, "I'm a piece of s**t" attitude that depression smothers you with. Sadness and pain over the sitch is a different feeling altogether. No matter how devastated I might feel and how much I might fall apart with longing for my W and kids, I can still find the motivation to keep up my exercise routines and do the little things I can to take care of myself and keep working on being a better me. I'm not saying you should get on medication, but it may be something to consider if you really have had longstanding depression issues.
Don't give up on yourself, you have made tremendous progress. You are awesome, don't forget that. Seriously.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
