I went to my fitness class today. Still working on GAL. I did some.more me work last night. It feels silly that I have to work at it and study it, but I really do. Make some notes to myself to refer back to later. While at my fitness class, I saw one of exF's (estranged) buddies wives. She specifically asked how exF was doing. I told her we were no longer together. The next words out of her mouth shocked me and make me feel so validated at the same time. She said he should be grateful for one day that someone stays with him. It gave me a little wakeup that everything I imagined in my head was not true. I remembered the good times and they seemed to outweigh the bad in my head. I had been thinking maybe if I was nicer and less a, b, c he wouldn't have been the way he was. I felt validated that I'm not crazy and he needs to do a lot of soul searching too. I 100% know that I was not perfect. I controlled too much out of fear of past even reoccurring. I stopped him from his rock bottom in a sense. She went on to talk a little more about him and then we went on to talking about our kids and things. This is the first "outsider" that I have spoken with about things.
I think I have realized that maybe I couldn't "fix" our problems completely on my own. He always wanted me to go to counseling as he always said I am the one who needed fixed. I definitely do need some fixing as well. I have my first counseling session tomorrow. I'm excited and nervous about that.
