Perhaps "tone" is not the right word to use. I can just tell, or at least thought/think that I can based on previous responses. I know how quickly she typically responds, how much she writes, what she says, etc. So for example, if in the past i've written, "Maybe we'll have time to talk tonight" or something like that, I'd often get back "I really hope so, I'm looking forward to it.' To me that has a tone to it rather than saying the same thing and getting back a simple "Maybe". Does that make better sense?
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. But I think that it rides the line of mindreading. There is no telling why there was a pause. Could’ve literally been ANY reason.
Originally Posted by DonH
I so totally agree with KML on this. Now, turns out, it's looking like she's less ambivalent than I thought, but I really don't want to give her the wrong feeling about asking to do something six months from now. And then it's a pretty big deal. Even though I'm not paying for it out of my pocket, I really am asking her to go on a nearly $2,000 vacation. That is just not even close to typical for me - ask someone on a $2K vacation 6 weeks into dating. And pretty much EVERYTHING is paid for. It will cost her nothing. You also said in another post why don't I just give her name in case we are still dating and she ends up going. That's just not possible. This is a one and done thing here. While I'm sure if I fight like heck I could come to them down the road and try to switch things but there may well be costs involved in that if they even do it. The costs could be hundreds of dollars as well - especially if they ticket the airfare. They could well say, sorry Charlie you can't submit a different name. I've thought about just explaining it all and saying it doesn't change anything for us, etc. but if you do decide to go, it's going to be a big deal to back out. Once I ask, we are effectively going to be together for at least the next 6 months. I mean that's how I think most people would view it. I'm less concerned about her going with me. I think we'd have a great time and would do just fine together for a week - even right now. If it were 2 months away, I'd have zero concern. But it's not, it's 6 months. This and other reasons is why it's best to wait as long as I possibly can before I ask.
Well, I understand your point. Just don’t happen to agree. But for the record, I did NOT suggest giving her name and changing later if necessary. I don’t remember who did, but I think it was actually kml who asked if that was possible. As I stated originally, you have to do what works for you, so if we disagree, it doesn’t really matter. I also merely pointed out, I would want to be asked early because I’m a planner and of course everyone who disagrees jumped on board with how she doesn’t need that much time. We all have our own thoughts and opinions and those are mine. But, I would never suggest anyone do anything other than what works for them.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
