This works for me because I like to link everything together. I don't like loose ends. I dig deep into things. And there is no way to do this without questioning your own values. You cannot judge her behavior as right or wrong without questioning your own behavior, how you would have behaved in a similar situation, etc. Also when you ask yourself what could have pushed her away, you must admit your flaws and your mistakes. And you must accept them. And so on. You get my point?
But you need to remind yourself that you need to be strong, and you need to stay active and positive as much as you can. This is why this forum is great to share your thoughts and your feelings and to get advise when you start to drift the wrong way (which happens a lot to me). People here will support you, but they are not shy telling you what you are doing wrong
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019