Every guy i have ever dated has always had an arrogance about them
Interesting. So who in your family of origin or elsewhere in your childhood was like this? We often unconsciously recreate childhood traumas in our relationships.
What makes you think you don't deserve a guy who treats you like a prescious wonderful being?
And as for breaking up - you don't have to justify it. He's just not right for you. And you don't have to blame him. Just say you don't think the two of you are right for each other and leave it at that.
I agree with kml....you don't have to justify breaking up with someone. I would even go so far as to add someone who behaves the way this guy does. He seems to be very arrogant and he also seems to want to make you feel bad about yourself for whatever reason. You don't need that.
I think we all have to deal with divorce and the post-D feelings in our own ways. For me, I didn't even want to think about dating for nearly a year after my D. Others want to date, have sex, even get into relationships quickly. I'm not saying any of us are right or wrong, as we each have to do what works for us personally, but you don't need someone like this dude to validate you. You are enough without his "blessing".
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Summer time is usually my happy time. I love the heat. I love the beach. I love sandals.
Once again, this has been a rough summer. My car needs all these repairs and i am having trouble with borrowing cars to get son to his activities and myself to my jobs. So a real source of frustration. I started a 2nd job and finding time to get training in is really difficult. With my son off and with my other job. Once i get it down it will be a great way to earn a little bit more with hours that are flexible. But the documentation and mandates are tough. It is keeping me away from focusing on another venture that has been in my mind. But it will be such a good supplement and experience while my son is still young.
I need to exercise. It makes me feel confident. It makes me feel more attractive. It helps my depression and anxiety and i have been having such a hard time getting it in. I have always had a bit of an eating body image disorder. Like i dont feel good about myself if i have any extra fat on me. At BD i was 114 lbs and im 5'8. Now thats a bit too skinny. But i still liked that weight because of the body image disorders. Thats not possible without hair loss and starvation so it certainly wasnt sustainable and i felt really good at 120 to 125. I am 5 lbs over that confort zone for me and i wont feel good until i get back there. So this is absolutely necessary. And i know it sounds extreme. But im also smaller boned. And very depressed about this weight gain. I binged at a family party and on cake at work and pizza and bagels yesterday. And i need to make consistent changes. I actually wont feel confident dating again until i lose that weight, and i know that sounds crazy.
Today. . No sweets no crappy carbs. I have to sustain. I need to start waking up early to get in exercise or forcing myself to do something each day. Preparing for new job is making this hard cause i feel like im literally on the go.
I have to break things off with NG and im losing sleep over it. I keep questioning myself and going over the red flags and then worry that im picking on things about him. I know that everyone has something bad. Am i trading in someone loyal and willing to form a family with me and my son? Or am i preventing years of anger and resentment amd fights and issues for son down the line?
I am really thinking its the later.
I need my confidence back. I am just not in a good place and should be because its summer.
This weight thing, among other items, is concerning. Have you checked any weight tables? Sure charts are charts but they are based in science. I looked at several and the very low end among them is 125 pounds. So you were off the charts for awhile but are now just inside the low end for height and age. BTW 154 is the top end for average and healthy. What you "feel" may not be healthy for you. You'd be much better off addressing why you feel this way rather than changing the weight.
As for the R with NG, are you really ready to be in an R with anyone? You might be helping everyone involved dodge a bullet here. I/we here cannot know what's really going on with him and with you but from what you write it seems more like not being ready for an R. A huge fight about asking a JW for directions in the airport? I'd find that hilarious if I did it. But I have huge confidence and ability to laugh at myself. In fact I'd likely bring it up for years... "Remember the time I asked a JH for directions in the airport? OMG, bah ha ha. That was so funny. I was such a moron that day." Or something like that. That's just me but why take it so personally? Almost seems like a self-esteem issue. Of course if NG is using it to put you down amd build himself up, that too is a S-E issue but for Him!
Perhaps rather than break it off fully, perhaps just take a break from him? Decide if you are ready to date and be in an R. Just at least explore if all that's going on is not as much about you as it is him. I don't at all say these things to be mean - just to be honest and give you another view. I hope you see it that way.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Thanks for the reply don. I have always been likenthat regarding my weight. Since junior high school. I wouldnt want to get away from that mindsite cause it keeps me from slacking off. Same thing as my anxiety regarding my son.. I worry so much, that i worry about what would happen if i didnt worry. Does that make sense? But it does not feel good to think like that either.
Regarding rhe jehova witness issue. Its something i definitely could have laughed at. But he was getting angry and commenting in an angry tone. I know the difference. He was getting annoyed and i didnt understand why that would annoy some one that much. It was our first trip together. We hadn seen each other in a while. I get it if we were together 10 years. But this should have still been romantic? No? He gets annoyed easily, i am noticing. And despite my anxiety issues, i am pretty low key socially. Im quieter. Tend to not lose my temper. Im actually referrwd to as the "office hippie" at work amd given. The pts others have difficulty with.
He justified me later confronting the anger by saying, he thought it was me not wanting to help and be part of a team. That i am very intelligent, and he could come up with no other explanation other then me trying to get out of doing something by doing something stupid.
Thank you v. I get your struggles with exercise and perfectionism i guess as well. I think maybe i am so so hard on myself and then so forgiving of others possibly.
So, i am super busy. Super tired. I need my life to get back into a more stable routine. New job has me stressed, but i am getting the hang of it and feel confident that i will be pretty good at it. And so far everyone has been pretty supportive.
I never would have predicted that i would have ease with career but struggle with my love life and relationships.
NG, called me out on my detachment . (Im genuinely busy) and i just feel bad.
Many women struggle with a man that wants to commit. I had no trouble finding some one that wanted a long term relationship with me and is willing to work on it... he did apologize and say he would have to think before he says things. He also said something along the lines of not taking things i do to heart knowing that its just how i am. He also made me a bouquet of flowers. I had agreed i need to speak out immediatly so he knows something is wrong.
But i am having doubts. Like, i just feel turned off. I worry that he will be argumentative with my son when he gets older. Im not sure if its me. I would never want to string someone along. He doesnt want games. But i am just not feeling quite right and not sure how to handle it.
But it was just dating for me. I dont think it was just dating for NG either. We both are looking for family and committment and someone to grow old with. I kind of feel like maybe he made me into family too quickly.
I dont even know what i am feeling.
I was comparing him to my mother...even my mom noticed the similarity between them when i was telling her the issues.
I hate living with my mom. I am dependent on her. And i understand its her house, things get done her way. She is a mess and diaorganized, yet finds fault with me and my mistakes and its just hard. She makes a big deal out of them and its a tough way to live.
I will give an example.. i threw away a bottle that belonged in recycle in the regular garbage. Instead of just correcting the mistake and throwing it in the recycle bin she takes it out. Brings it in my room and place a note that says "i belong in recycle" i would understand this if she had a super clean and organized home, but she doesnt.
Now i am sure she is annoyed because we are living there and she was not planning on this for her returement. She likes to conplain that shes not everyones maid...but shes really not. She just gets annoyed with me for using the swiffer jet (hates the smell) that i dont jam pack the dish washer before turning it on etc. Etc. But she was always like this with us. I am not perfect either and i get it. But she focuses on my flaws instead of her own and it just gets so annoying.
When my ex first left. I was more angry that he left me in a position in which i needed to be back with my mom. He even told me "i feel bad for you that you lived that way with her" because he lived with us for a year and saw what she was like. Yet he still left me and my son in that arrangement.
If i was like most of the other peopke on here, living in an affordable area in which i could have some semblence of independence and dignity i would not be suffering like i am. I really believe this.
NG is similar with his daughter and i worry i would just be exiting 1 bad situation for another. I
