Guilty of this as well. Even in trying to keep with Going Dark, i find myself very very frequently analyzing any bit of info i can for patterns and repeated themes with WIFE's past R's and my own, as well as OM in my head.
I WAS making charts, and filing out calanders and all sorts of madness back a few months ago. Thankful i picked up my pen to do fictional writing instead lately.
It is in timeframes i was mostly looking at, where i believe she operates on a cycle dictated by her disorder, there are many common themes in the timeframes of her various R's. but i have put my calendars and graphs away. I think its time they met my Fire Pit.
Below are common points i have gleaned from all the time i shouldn't have bothered spending analyzing her behavior/patterns. Im glad i have put these "conclusions" together, but MUCH MORE glad i no longer waste my time trying to figure S**t like this out.
1. She "hoovers" her previous R usually within the first month or 2 of the new one. She was sending me "remember when" types of texts even through the first 2 weeks of Jan, to keep me attached and pliable to her manipulations. Once the TRO event occurred, all that stopped though. She did the same right at the start of my R with her, contacting her EX. However her frequency of texts about S3, (and not crucially important ones) has increased in the last few weeks, so more hoovering my occur.
2. She doesnt seem to be able to last more than 2.5 years before cheating, talking to EX's, the sex life dies out, and she begins to think of exit strategies. I think the timing of S3's birth, and the fact that we didnt get married for another 1.5 years extended that for me. Otherwise i would have been discarded around the 2 year mark, but she held on for the wedding.
3. She uses the same tactics, verbiage, excuses and lies each time, just wraps them in different paper for each person in her life, be it Significant others, "Friends", Family, Co-Workers Etc. Her main focus is the Relationship partners, but other women, mostly acquaintances/friends or co-workers also get run through the cycle of manipulation, triangulation and projection too.
4. She changes her persona, style, appearance and likes/dislikes to match each person, and they seem to overlap, as new guy fades in, personality traits of old guy slowly fade out. Example: The Mountains were our place. It was our home away from home. When she first started seeing OM, she was going to the Mountains a lot with him. Doesnt seem to be the case any longer, in fact i have a serious hunch she always hated hiking and just did it because it made her look good on Instagram. Hobbies are another fleeting thing for her. Painting, Art, Drawing, Singing, Crafts, Photography, and now Hair. All have been obsessed over in the past, spent money to get supplies, equipment and so on, then 6 months later drops it.
Typing that out was empowering actually. It made me realize how much better i deserve. I deserve the OPPOSITE. A woman who fights for me, not against me. One who shelters me from hurt, not causes it. One who comforts me when i am hurt, not salt the wound, or cause it.
I deserve a damn Valkyrie. An Angel. and i shall find her, someday.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
