Advice on my Scenario Pt. 19 - Valhalla Cometh

[OrangeK]

O - you're doing fantastic. Yeh, you can't control how she parents and I feel for your lil guy. But, the fact that he has a stable home and you being an involved and happy parent, it's going to make a world of difference.

Thanks, I have done the best i can after being thrown into parenthood unawares, then left to do it alone 2.5 years after S3's birth.
Thankfully being at my brothers house has increased my "Parent" to Child ratio from the original 2:1, then I was 1:1, now with brother and SIL, im at 3:1. So i have a great team to work with.
My SIL is disgusted with WIFE's lack of mothering. This is coming from a woman who never plans to have children.

Also know that kids usually act out more in front of the stable parent because they know it's a safe environment and that they won't be disciplined aggressively and abused. You are creating that safe environment for him and that's so good to see. Keep the love, the consistency, and stability steady for him.

Hmm food for thought. She claims he doesn't act out around her. I dont buy it, back in November i remember her calling me in hysterics because he wouldn't go to bed and was hitting her and pulling her hair. She was beside herself. So im expected to believe that though his behavior overall has gotten WORSE since November, by a long shot, that his behavior ONLY around her has improved 100%?
I was born at night but not last night.
Odd thing is that i know she just simply DOESNT discipline him, as opposed to doing so too much.
From all S3 tells me, she basically ignores him when hes with her.
I thought he was as upset as he was yesterday because of sleeping at OM's house again, which always upsets him, but he didnt.

I don't know if I had mentioned this on your thread, but I made a list of potential things that I'd want my kids to share when I pass away at my funeral. This gave me a good list of goals about how I should do things now. The list was something like this:

1. I always kept my word and did what I said I would do.
2. Created a loving and safe home that they could come to.
3. Had memories of fun, joy, and laughter
4. I was always there for their hard times and supported them.
5. Showered them with love and affection.
6. Supported their independence; listened to them; actively involved them in making decisions that affected them.

I can tell you that doing these things and making tweaks to my life with them that includes all of this has made a world of difference. It also helped me with my own control issues and allowed me to relax. Both my kids took to it and it's been incredible to see the changes in our relationship by making the above list my priority.

Things id Want S3 to say in My Eulogy:

1. That I always put him first, did my best to make sure he had a better life than me.
2. I encouraged individuality, artistic expression, and the ability to be who he wants to be.
3. I show him how a MAN acts, and how a MAN treats the SO in his life, with love, respect, freedom and understanding.
4. I have taught him, Honor, Integrity, Work Ethic, Critical thinking, and to watch out for himself.
5. Through play and vivid imagination, people my grow up into adults, but their inner child need never wither.
6. Perseverance in challenge, be it a physical challenge, a metal challenge, an emotional or moral challenge.
7. Respect yourself, and dont let others walk over you.
8. That I can be trusted, and confided in. About anything.