100% agree that BD is just the moment when the iceberg pokes above the surface of the water. It has been forming for a long while, even if we can't see it. To us it looks like it suddenly appeared out of nowhere as it upends our lives and leaves us shipwrecked, but it has certainly been growing and growing.
I am still torn about the approach on this board. For the vast majority of us there is simply no hope of R. I feel like there is a lot of false hope encouraged. There are certainly some folks on here who are ready to give us 2x4s, but so much of the conversation on here is focused on R. It seems like 90% of the conversation is about R which occurs in less than 10% of the sitches. Now, most of us, myself included, were simply not ready to hear that when we first got here, nor for a long time afterward. The part of DB that is effective is the community support, and the focus on self-improvement. It really has very little to do with saving Rs and all about saving LBSs. We all want to hear about the stories of successful Rs but that is delusional and misguided. I feel like a lot of this just encourages us to hold onto false dreams and not let go completely. I am incredibly happy for you and for anyone else who is able to work towards towards R, but I don't know that reading them encourages the detachment that so many of us need.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
