Woo hoo! Lovely day so far. Last night, my H was pretty upset about something at work. I listened to him and made general sympathetic noises. Then he dealt really well with an upsetting incident with Thing #2. Then the two older Things weren't being too cooperative about going to bed, and I was getting antsy because I wanted to spend some special time with their dad. Instead, I kept doing the "go to bed" routine. I complimented him on how well he dealt with her, and said I liked to hear him read to them. Dropped a quick kiss on his head, and left him alone.
Sometime during the evening, I asked him if he were interested in being intimate, and he hesitated. I said, "Are you just not interested?" and he said, "No, right now I'm not."
Well, nothing like a challenge, huh? So I went upstairs later and got on some provocative clothing and came back downstairs (punctuated by "Go to bed, go to bed, yes you can have a drink, go to bed. . ."). Then I sat down in the chair next to him and said nothing. Just started reading, too.
Well, he noticed. Then we started laughing about the kids uncooperative behavior. He pointed out that he just wasn't interested at the MOMENT I asked. Then I performed a routine to "Take me out to the Ball Game" just for his enjoyment, and that was that.
What did I learn? Well, it helped that I would have been okay even if he had only noticed what I was wearing and still not been interested.
It helped that I didn't get involved with him and our four year old's trouble.
It helped that I could listen to his problem and not go on and on. . . just hear what he wanted to say. He also had lots more to say this morning.
So then, today, we took all the kids to a street fair and parade in town. They behaved beautifully, we got time together and everyone had enough together to be apart when we got home. I took a nap -- always needful -- and now he's napping.
I also know not to suggest anything else social for the weekend. He's had enough.
So, I feel as though I'm paying attention to what I'm doing and gauging the effect, without being consumed by wondering what's going on inside of him.
