I really don't know OrangeK. You could try saying "no, he doesn't act like with me either" and leave it at that. Usually when little kids act bad it's because they need more love, connection, boundaries, and quality time with their parents. You can only offer that when he's with you and hope for the best when he's not. Perhaps you can buy some parenting books and send them with your son to your wife and say "I read these books and thought they might be helpful to you too." There's one called "No Drama Discipline" that might be useful.
