I'm going to respond to your post in my very best Dr. Laura voice.
First, are you your kids mom? LOL sorry, but her callers always seem to start with that. Anyway, here's my 2 cents worth so you're getting what you paid for.
Being a 'stay at home' mom is, in and of itself, a wonderful benefit to your children and you're to be commended for that....however, in this day and age it's absolutely NOT uncommon for H's that are the soul financial support of the family to become resentful of thier 'role' in the relationship. And it's not unusual for 'stay at home' moms to become resentful of the fact that they are burdened with 99% of the childcare and household responsibilities. Secretly, both spouses envy the position the other spouse is in with out ever taking the reality of those 'positions' into account.
In your H's mind, he believes that since he is supporting you and his 3 small children that that contribution to your marriage should grant him certain privileges like sex, words of appreciation, a little 'cave time' for himself and a day out with his buddies on occassion. Weekends to your H are NOT days that he looks forward to finally be able to spend time mowing the lawn, hanging pictures, bouncing the kids on his knee or entertaining your mother. To HIM, weekends are the time he looks forward to chillin out, forgetting about the demands of his job, his idiot boss, his slacker of a coworker or the project deadline he's facing next week. He wants to plop down on the couch and go zombie with the remote control in his hand as he dozes off between quarters. He wants the kids to be quiet, the house to be relatively tidy and YOU to be happy JUST because he's THERE.
YOU on the other hand, are anxiously awaiting his arrival home at night so that you can sit and chat with him about his day, or complain about yours, or ANY conversation that gives you a chance to talk with an ADULT. You want him to want to play with the kids, read them a book or give them a bath so that you can have a few (well deserved) minutes to yourself.
You and your H are actually quite typical...but YOU have the advantage of seeing the cracks that are developing in your relationship so YOU need to take the bull by the horns and initiate the necessary changes.
If you're tired and need a break from the kids, get a sitter twice a week, if ONLY for an hour or two so you can leave the house and take a walk, go to the mall or run errand without the kids in tow. Want to spend an evening with your husband? Make the arrangements yourself, don't set your husband up for failure by waiting and waiting for HIM to do it. A great deal of your disatisfaction with your marriage is well within your control.
I'd suggest reading the book, "The Five Love Languages" and if your H is a reader, offer it to him when you're finished. You'll be amazed at the changes that can take place in your relationship when you both understand what you need to have your emotional needs met AND how to meet the emotional needs of each other. T2
