KML, Yes. You are exactly right. I am moving forward now but last fall I was stuck while not working and had those health problems so now I can see the difference between waiting and moving forward. .
I do question a lot whether my husband used me for immigration purposes. A lot of my friends from his home country think he did. If he did he was smart about it. He didn't just leave the day after he became a citizen. He waited until his career was established and his family was here. Even then he waited until it was no longer beneficial for him to keep me. After we had our daughter we became a burden in his eyes, so he probably figured that's a good time to leave. No one really knows. Maybe he's mentally ill. Maybe he buckled under stress and just wanted to find an easy way out. Maybe he's deeply ashamed and he's sitting there right now considering coming back to reconcile. No one knows. None of my husband's friends or family members have revealed anything. The psychologist said my husband is lost in life. My gastroenterologist, who was my husband's friend, revealed that my husband opened up to him but he didn't offer specifics. His advice was to move on.
Yes I'm years away from dating, if ever, so I don't need to be divorced for that purpose. I also know you're right about this happening again if I take him back too easily because it already did. I took him back easily the first time and look where we are now?
My guess is we'll get divorced and my husband will live a playboy life until he finally settles down with a super attractive younger woman in ten years and I'll stay single for the next ten years while raising our daughter. Perhaps I'll be surprised and meet a new man someday, but I'm a very pragmatic and realistic person so I know even if I do meet someone again it won't be perfect. It's really great being young and innocent in your 20's imagining the fairy tale life you want to live. For some it really does happen, but for most life is a struggle no matter how hard we work or try to prevent bad things from happening.
There was one thing I forgot to mention to everyone - I was reading the old DB book again. I lost the newer one and accidentally ordered the old one. There's a long chapter in the beginning that talks about all the reasons why divorce is the wrong move. It was hard to read. It would convince anyone to work on their marriage if they read it. I need to re-order the new one to see what it says now. Reconciling with an unloyal wreckless spouse is a huge risk but getting divorced is no picnic either. That's another one of the thoughts that makes me keep waiting just a little longer until one option becomes much clearer than the other.
