Need advice on detaching- Part 2

[jaylove]

I know... I know... I think I am still struggling between acceptance and denial... I hear you and I know this is what everyone is saying, but my mind still struggles with some of these thoughts...

Here are some additional questions, just food for thought:

- How about moral values? Where did family values go? Commitment? Sacrifice? I still value the marriage vows and I try to look at what is best for everyone in the long term.

- I am shocked that after such a long history together and so much intimacy and sharing, one partner can decide to leave without trying to work out issues, without communicating his/her intentions. And I am shocked that the LBS needs to be attractive so that the WAS takes notice.


Really? This is what it boils down to? A selfish WAS who needs to feel attraction again, putting all the burden on the LBS?

This sounds like a recipe for failure:
- A WAS who becomes selfish and loses attraction to the LBS, and decides to rewrite history, forget the marriage vows, and commitments.
- A devastated LBS who puts a Herculean effort to change and become a better person
- A WAS who may take notice and feel attraction again to the LBS and may want to reconcile, but still doesn't realize the damage he/she has done, the selfishness, and still is unsure he/she is ready to put the necessary effort to change and commit

Again, I know that all of this doesn't matter. I am an idealist. The whole idea of marriage was that if taken seriously, it puts a framework that let partners put more effort to work on issues because they wouldn't want to live miserably the rest of their lives together. But when marriage becomes a worthless piece of paper that anyone can walk out on at any time without any regret or feeling of guilt, people are left to their own desires and impulses. I guess I am too naive.

Kiro I feel exactly the same about vows, decency and no communication from someone who until recently was the love of your life.
I also struggle between acceptance and denial- the BD opens a huge gaping hole in us and leaves us suffering from emotions not experienced before. I lost my first wife in a freak tragic accident, but in all honesty this sitch is far worse because it’s not clear cut and so much is unresolved with so many questions that my W won’t answer
3 months ago she dropped £6000 on a new MBR bed, which would leave one to believe that the plan was to be sleeping on it together for twenty years. Today I received the draft D petition- I simply can’t get my head around this total change.