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[jaylove]

That is great advice AnothetStander, thank you so much
I have never suffered from the kind of anxiety that I have developed in the past week, waking every morning at 4am and being unable to sleep with a never ending cycle of thoughts racing through my mind.
I spoke to my wife briefly today over a family admin matter and she became hysterical very quickly and started catastrophising and distorting things I supposedly I have said over the years. She sounded very disturbed I have known her since we were kids and the person I spoke to today bore no resemblance to the woman I love.
She is on all sorts of medication, so I am not surprised, but equally I am really concerned that having spent nearly four weeks in a top psychiatric hospital, she is catastrophising and raging at me.

Ill re read your post over and over as it really does contain good information that is more pertinent to my particular sitch.
Thank you again

Well I will tell you what worked for me about the anxiety. I have ADHD so once I focus on something it is literally all I can think about until I solve it. Which is the worst things anyone can do in a situation like this. I went to my psyciatrist and explained the problem to him. He said that it is extremely common for this to happen in divorce and some people literally cannot get over it because the way their brain handles the situation, stress, and anxiety.

Go to your doctor. Tell him your situation... that you are going through a divorce, your wife was in the mental hospital, you are responsible for raising four kids, and that you have so much anxiety about all this that you cannot function properly to take care of the kids. Not sure of your health insurance but I got 300 5 mg Valium tablets for 180 bucks in Australia. I feel normal and can think about it normally without all the anxiety. Helped me loads because all I could do was obsess about divorcing and had massive anxiety so bad that I actually puked up my meal on the side of the road once. Went to the doctor and it was like magic. Now I can think rationally, not obsess, not send 20 page long retarded text messages and emails, it has allowed me to detach. But I literally could not function at my job because all I could think about was my situation. I had to get the pills or I would have been fired for sure.

I don't think prescription drugs are always the answer but if you really can't sleep it will affect your ability to take care of your kids. And the less sleep you get the more likely you would be to have an attention lapse in the car. Not a good idea when you are driving your kids to the hospital to see their mom. Which you should do by the way.

For this detachment situation I did this. I am totally not a religious person. An atheist in fact. So when a situation happens with my wife now I think "What would Jesus do" which means always show love and compassion to your wife even if she is only showing hatred. I actually have written on the back of my hand the following at all times to remind myself.

WWJD
DB
detach
GAL

Seems to help me remember to do those things.

This is brilliant and a really clear pointer for me - “what would Jesus do?”
Likewise I am not religious but that is a piece of decent advice that I will endeavour to follow.
Thank you