Advice on my Scenario Pt. 19 - Valhalla Cometh

[OrangeK]

So they daycare yesterday emailed me, letting me know S3 has been being disruptive and aggressive at school during nap times.

I left work early to go get him and give him some extra attention, as it was rainy all day i know he had some pent up energy and was probably a bit upset about that.

He was in a good mood when i picked him up, but quickly showed he was going to be very obstinate and aggressive with me as well.
I had to put him in a time out for hitting me, and then again for the same reason later in the night.

I had him ALL WEEKEND and he behaved GREAT, WIFE has him for a day and a half and his behavior regresses back to garbage.
I have noticed this pattern, as well as him having really hard days ast school on days She has him the night before.
I really want to be able to give her the benefit of the doubt in regards to parenting, but she is showing a pattern of laziness, half measured parenting, and shirking responsibilities like paying for daycare or doctors bills.

It breaks myt heart to see him act like that, stomping feet, grunting instead of talking, refusing to use potty, bad bedtime habits. All behaviors we had made great progress on, that regress as soon as he spends some time with her.
One thing we often disagreed on was setting boundaries for parenting rules and enforcing discipline.
Shes a pushover with him, doesnt discipline at all, and its REALLY Starting to show.

I did have a good conversation with the daycare director and she again reiterated that I am doing a great job picking up the slack, enforcing rules, being responsive to emails and communication from the daycare, and paying my bill on time.
She even made a comment about how WIFE seems to claim to know it all about parenting due to having worked in a daycare before, and that the issues with S3 seem to stem from her side.
This woman has been very very patient with the whole separation and divorce, and certainly in dealing with the troubles S3 has presented at school.

She recommended a child therapist, and I have already started looking into them.
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WIFE texted at about 9pm last night saying : "I hope S3 was good for you tonight"
Almost like she knew he wouldn't be....

I just said "He had a bad day at school, but was Ok at home with me."

She replied "I know i talked to Daycare on the phone today when he was in their office because of misbehaving. It makes me sad hes having trouble. He NEVER acts like that at home with me, does he with you? .
Im glad you had a good night with him"

I didnt reply as this message irritated me, i know as a fact that if he is aggressive at school, and at home with me, and only after he has been with her, that he acts that way with her also.
To assume he is a perfect angel with her and nowhere else is illogical and childish.

How am i supposed to co-parent with someone who will lie about her child like that?
She puts coming out on top of her fabricated drama as a higher priority than the development and mental health of her child.
How can i accomplish any proactive parenting with someone who literally CANNOT be honest? Not ever.
Lying is so ingrained in her persona.
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I have been doing a lot of research on "people Pleaser Syndrome" and the addiction to not saying NO and enforcing boundaries.

I feel this whenever WIFE messages me, like I am obligated to respond. I think this type of mentality caused me to sweep all the red flags under the rug, ignore how unhappy i eventually became and put her needs before my own every time.
I was so invested in falling in love and securing the ideal mate that had been presented to me by The Master Actress that is WIFE, that I ignored the invasion of my life, the overbearing and rapid development of my relationship, and it even blinded me to noticing she was pregnant.

I was so invested in building this perfect life, i didnt take the time to notice all of the reasons I should have been focused on myself any my own well-being.

Doubly so once the relationship became outwardly abusive, and when i discovered the affair.
I instantly forgave, begged and pleaded.
I sacrificed my own self confidence and self respect in a vain attempt to salvage a false, abusive, and parasitic relationship.

I am very disappointed i missed these things, and also that it took such a monumentus event to wake me from this fog.
I regret that I didn't notice these things before marrying, and the legal mire it has placed me in.

That being said, I clearly needed this to happen. Perhaps not to this degree, but who knows, if it had been less bad, maybe it wouldn't have woken me to my own co-dependent and self-destructive personality traits which i can now work to eliminate or minimize.