Be strong, man! Fake it till you make it! You can cry when she leaves. Trust me, you will feel better about yourself afterward if you can portray strength and happiness in her presence. We're all pulling for you!
Me: 40 W:39 T: 19 M: 12 D4, D7 EA/BD: August 2017 EA ended: Oct 2017 MC: Oct 2017 - March 2018 W signed lease: July 10, 2018 W moved out: Sept. 14, 2018
Thanks people, I need so much support right now. I am worried that I'm sleepwalking into a quick D.
Gonna grab a quick rest, jump in the shower, have an anti- anxiety pill the Dr gave me, start cooking a great meal for the kids ready for when they arrive.
It is such a shame that W wants to destroy the relationship, marridge, family, and home that we had worked so hard to build together for 25 years. I'm 100% sure we could sort it all out and make it better than ever if only she was willing to try even a tiny bit.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
W arrived with kids and a friend. I had made a nice meal for the kids & I that I know W loves but I didn't offer her any.
W went into the bedroom to collect her clothes that I had sorted ready to take. I said 'do you have happy memories of being in here?'. She said she wasn't thinking about it. I said 'thousands of happy memories'. I said it in a nice calm way.
I also said 'I'm sorry that you feel you need to do this' (taking things from the house) in a calm voice which I think went down well.
W looked around the house and said she was very impressed with all the changes I'd made. It's a lot, lot better than when she had left. She noticed everything that was different. She took some family photos off a small table, she very nearly cried doing so and she looked at me for a while in the eyes, then the same again a few times. We shared a moment. I felt like going to give her a hug but I didn't, I was having hugs with the kids. She slowly cleared the table and I gave her help moving it out of the house.
She came back later to collect the kids but they were not ready to go so W walked off for a bit rather than go back into the house. She came back and and thanked me for earlier.
I then said that if she had a night out planned then perhaps the kids could stay overnight with me. She seemed surprised that I would offer to do that - that will be a 180. W said she was going out on Fri night. I said that she didn't have to give me the details (I already knew them LOL). That would be another 180.
W said the texting app on her phone is still not working so will phone me for a short call. W reminded me I'm due to see her and kids on Fri morning at the school. I said there's a local event on Sunday that I would like to take the kids too. W said she had also wanted to take them there so W offered to meet me there with the kids and said she might stay for a while.
W went into the bedroom to collect her clothes that I had sorted ready to take. I said 'do you have happy memories of being in here?'. She said she wasn't thinking about it. I said 'thousands of happy memories'. I said it in a nice calm way.
I think most of the rest was fine.....but like....why with this? It just comes off as needy/insecure/unattractive.
It sounds like you are working to make improvements toward being more self-secure.....but I think you need to keep working on it.
Originally Posted by DavidUK
I then said that if she had a night out planned then perhaps the kids could stay overnight with me. She seemed surprised that I would offer to do that - that will be a 180. W said she was going out on Fri night. I said that she didn't have to give me the details (I already knew them LOL). That would be another 180.
I still find it weird to be offering to be more of a babysitting service than trying to come up with a fair/equitable schedule....I think that should be your goal.
for the most part, i think you came across as weak... the "memories" comment... commenting on whether or not she had planned a night out... the "you don't have to give me the details" remark... "i'm sorry you feel you need to do this," no bueno!!! you are too attached... the less you say, the better--especially if you are going to make these types of comments...
for the most part, i think you came across as weak... the "memories" comment... commenting on whether or not she had planned a night out... the "you don't have to give me the details" remark... "i'm sorry you feel you need to do this," no bueno!!! you are too attached... the less you say, the better--especially if you are going to make these types of comments...
Before leaving, W seemed to think that I had been controlling and insecure. I hadn't been at all, I had just wanted us to make some time together because we'd only had 1 night out in 6 months. Of course she could just have been using poor excuses but for me to say after we split that I'd take the kids if she has a night out planned and I didn't need to know the details, it was a total 180. I was self-confident enough to let go and not be bothered what she does, so I think I seemed less needy to her. I effectively took a step-back. Strangely enough she then told me the details of what was planned even-though I had said it was none of my business.
