Mrs JLS journey to saving the marriage

[MrsJLS]

Who would have ever thought that just mere 14 months after having the happiest day of my life and getting married to the man I love and adore... I would be looking for help and posting here.

I am opening this thread as I would welcome any advice and comments, as well as your own experiences and of course I will share mine. I must admit that even reading this forum gives me so much strength and realisation that I am not alone in this.

So I will start with a back up story. I met my future husband 3 years ago online ... since the day we met I found him very attractive and incredibly quickly we fell in love and I partly moved in while keeping my apartment. I am 34 now, and my husband is 61. I am aware of the age gap but it never really bothered me as he is very active and very young looking. It is his first and my second marriage. None of us have children even though I would very much like to have them. I communictaed my desires very clearly and he knew that it was one of the reasons why I want to be in the relationship and getting married. I did think it was strange that he has never been married before, apparently he cancelled the engagement in his 40ies. So we dated for about 9 months and I was gently started to talk about the future until the day he told me- "I don't see myself as a father." The next day I left even though I was hurt but it didn't want to waste more time. He did try text me and even wrote a handwritten letter asking to stay friends to which I didn't reply. And then some 6 months later he came back with a ring... much to my shock and surprise and he asked me to marry him and told me that he wants children. I don't know why he had such change in heart but he said that love is the most important thing and he didn't want to lose me...

Then one day around two months after we got married I didn't get pregnant and I felt quite upset about it and I didn't talk in the car for about 2 hours (I would put it down to PMS), he then all of the sudden thought that our relationship is bad and we have communication issues and we should postpone with having children... During this time also his business suffered although I have continued my work which I love. So our relationship has spiralled down ever since that car journey to which I have apologised... he stopped all intimacy and I just got more upset and I didn't hide it. We tried councelling (my initiative) which he hated. I have been crying, blaming, begging, pretending... and it has got just worse. Until I found about Last Resort Technique and this forum several months ago. I have had a few setbacks but now I have been on course with LRT and GAL for 2 weeks and I intend to continue it as long as it takes. it makes me feel more confident. Meanwhile H has withdrawn completely... he goes to bed only when I am asleep and wakes up before me. He doesn't kiss or hug me and we haven't had sex for about a year now. I have stopped all R talk and blaming and crying... now I am pretending that his moods don't affect me. I am also trying to stay at work as long as possible and going out with my girlfriends.

My only worry is that I might 'break' and go off these changes out of loneliness and frustration. I truly miss intimacy and I feel that this man is not the one I got married to. Maybe he is depressed because of his business and I am not sure how and if I should support him. Everything I have said before is like speaking to a wall.

I really want to save this marriage but I also want to feel loved not being with a grumpy husband...