I think my wife is having a midlife crisis affair

[Rita]

Trevor, I think you have a lot of focus on how your actions/words will affect her. This is natural, we all did it a lot in the beginning and have to fight the temptation to do it now.

But the truth is this -- NOTHING YOU DO WILL AFFECT HER NOW. You can only do things that help you detach and heal. You will take just as long to realize this as we all do but it's truly the only path that can lead to peace for you and a possible restoration of your marriage a long way down this road.

You have to rest assured that this current adulterous relationship will never become something good. It is based on lies and immaturity and misdirected hormones. The W you love is not the one that the OM is seeing. If you want to leave for a month with your S, do it. Staying will not prevent anything, leaving will not cause anything. It could be a good thing for her to move in with him, to be taken care of while sick. It may take a lot longer than you think you can bear right now, but rest assured, that counterfeit relationship will never become what you have with her -- his caring for her while she is sick will most likely only remind her of being taken care of by her true husband, but it may take a long while for her to admit that, she will push those thoughts out of her mind until she is ready to deal with whatever is truly bothering her, which has nothing to do with you.