Hey Gordie. I'm doing pretty good today. I went for a stretch where I thought I was done. Not in a mad way, just...detached I guess. I was feeling up and was not concerned with W and really could not picture wanting to reconcile. Then, I woke up and felt down. Nothing really happened. Well, that isn't true...I saw my W. We haven't really been talking and I only see her when we exchange the kids. They have mainly been with me, but she finally wanted to start swapping them. So I went for a week with next to no communication (I will respond when she reaches out but she hasn't been doing that) and then saw her to swap the kids. It went fine. We had a little light chit chat and then she left. The next few days I felt really down. No particular thing happened other than me realizing I was not as detached as I thought I was. But today I feel good again.
I still feel so torn over whether to wait this thing out or move on. I mean I know all the things I need to do for myself, but I feel like it wouldn't take much to shift my thinking and just be done with her, whether she comes around or not. I have loved her most of my life, but how can I be with someone who can leave me like that...as if we meant nothing. That isn't love, and even if she comes back around, do I want to be with someone who is capable of doing that? I'm not capable of that and how do I know that if she comes back around at some point she won't do it again. I love her enough to wait, but I'm just not sure if I should.
That's how I've been feeling today. I guess that changes back and forth over time. Been enjoying my time with the kids. we get along so well these days and have lots of fun together. Initially we were eating out a bit, but for the last week I've gotten back in to cooking. Its been nice. Also redecorated the house a little. I'm really starting to like it again. It was looking a bit sparse after she moved out since she took a bunch of stuff.
Thank you guys for being here and offering all the advice and support. I wish I could give half of the advice and support you guys show.
