Is It Too Late?

[WillD78]

Thanks for commenting, Sandi. Having read many of your remarks on here to others, I'm delighted to hear your take. Thank you.

She friend-zoned you a long time ago. The two of you get along and work as a team, but she doesn't think of you as a lover. She doesn't feel the attraction. Once she moves out, she'll probably still expect to continue doing things as a family (yes, it's cake eating). She'll probably still turn to you as a friend (more cake). She just won't desire you as a man.

While she is still living with me, I am attempting to limit these "friend" activities. Part of it involves me GAL, but I'm also not organizing my schedule around her. I am doing activities alone with our daughters. I stick to my bedtime when she wants to hang out, have a drink, and watch a movie. I realize these are not massive changes, but it's what I can do for now while she is still in the house and the girls are still in the dark. When/if she actually moves out, it will stop completely.

Do your folks, or anyone, know that she is leaving you? As long as you continue to include her in family events, nothing changes for her. She'll expect to be included in holiday celebrations, family traditions, etc. So, she will get all the benefits of being M to you, without any of the responsibilities. She can join in the part she likes and then go back to her place.

I have two close friends who know about our sitch. The rest of our friends and family are in the dark. Part of me, I think, is afraid to tell them because 1) if she changes her mind, I don't want them to know about it, and 2), having it out in the open will make it easier for her to act on the moving out. Perhaps those are both invalid, but my plan is to follow her timeline on the process. This seems to be in line with DBing strategies. It buys me time. I really think that if the news broke widely among my family and hers, she would hit the ground running out the door.

However, when/if she does leave, I do think she will be surprised to find out that we're no longer doing things as a family. I will not have it. Before I started DBing, I tried to impress this upon her, and she accepted that it is a consequence of a D. I don't think it has fully set in, though.

As I said above, I'm trying to make changes now in my interactions and activities we do/don't do as a family (mostly for the kids' sake), but when she moves out, all family activities are over and, I don't want this to sound harsh, but we're not going to be friends. Of course I'll be cordial, but I'm not her handyman, shoulder to cry on, friend to laugh with, etc.