ItHurts good job- Being direct and standing your ground. Now if Doodler were here- he would make a comment like if ALL things go well on Saturday you might have to change your name from ItHurts to ItSquirts!! Cheers!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
ItHurts, sounds like you're finally making some progress! It's interesting how your ex-wife made so many references to other women or your ex-girlfriend. Sounds like one reason why she might be holding back is because she doesn't know if there's another woman in your life so she wants to find out before she goes further with you. I hope now that you and she had this conversation you can relax and enjoy your next event together a bit more!
Thanks guys but keep in mind...she seemed like she wanted to make it clear this wasn't a date. She asked if because of that if I still wanted to take her. I said what difference does it make anyway. So I'm not at all expecting any opportunity to make a move on her this Saturday as I would think if she was interested in R down the road she likely wouldn't have felt the need to even address whether I considered Saturday a date or not. I also was surprised she even brought up Mary because I've already told her in previous meetings that we are broken up. As I said that remark came right when I was leaving as if she wanted to see if that's where I was going by leaving. So I don't know. Maybe she's a great actress but I just don't get how she can say in one breath that she doesn't want to send the wrong message about us being romantically involved, yet in the next Sue clearly get jealous of other women enjoying the new me that she wanted so badly when we were married. She's one confusing damsel!!
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
i am thinking she cancels Saturday... but i hope she doesn't...
She may. Facing up to the past is way too much for some. I know that if i was in IH's shoes, with my W, I can almost guarantee she wouldn't be comfortable being around people that knew us as a "couple". Mainly because she would be afraid of the judgments and questions, etc.
IH your history kind of works against you here. However, just because she doesn't call it a "date" doesn't mean it isn't one. The night you spent at her place a few weeks back was a "date", regardless of how she wanted to categorize it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Interesting take Artista...usually it's me that thinks she might cancel but I really don't think so this time. She really is looking forward to it. So my guess is all will go according to plan. If not that's fine too...I always have a back up plan. It wasn't like she just said she looks forward to it and that's it...she actually went so far as to say that she is still trying to re-establish herself here at home and wants more girl friends so she looks forward to seeing everyone. I mean anything is possible but I would be very surprised if she cancels based on her enthusiasm towards going. But stranger things have happened so only time will tell. Regardless of what she does, I myself love this annual reunion with friends and am looking forward to it. We shall see what happens.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
i knew reason she was being conservative in her interactions with you because she did not want to hurt you... i did this with my H while we were separated... i was not in a place where i could/wanted to re-commit to him, so i believed i had to be very careful...
i think the bonfire is/was a good opportunity for ExW to see you in a different light than as her ExH... i could tell she was seeing you more as friend--which is not bad, because she could eventually come around to see you as more--without confusing you with whom she was married to... she does show signs of interest in that she keeps coming around, and with her comments about "your little girlies," and "tell Mary i said hi,"... i would not have dignified her comment about little girlies with a response... her comment was immature... you don't date little girlies, you date women. (i guess you could have said that :)) and you did well with the "tell Mary," comment by your perplexed look... if anything, you could have said, "but she doesn't know you." that lets exW see that your relationship with Mary did not include exW in any way...
anyway--the negative i see from the conversation was the, "i love you the same," response, because it could show that you still see her as your W... or it could show that you love her in a way that, apparently, was not good enough for her... and it's that comment that makes me think she may cancel... but her "tell Mary," comment leaves me hopeful that she will follow through...
Yeah she does that quite often...makes remarks about my women. It's like if we're "friends" why do be you care? Why get upset because I am a different man with my relationships now? Obviously I'm not going to be like I was with her if I want successful relationships...but it's like she gets in a snit. Like when I mentioned a month or so ago that I cooked dinner for Mary one night...she said some snotty remark stating that I never would do that for her when we were together. Then last night the remark about me surprising Mary with concert tix...she just shook her head and said..."good for her...at least she got to do something" in a snotty tone. Of course when I started to leave the comment about saying hi to Mary was weird too...Mary wasn't even in my head at all at that point so it was a legitimate look of being perplexed. Like why would you say that??? We're "just friends" remember? But yeah, she gets these little digs in about the women in my life for some reason. I don't think she does that to her other guy friends...so it makes me wonder.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
The only thing I could think of is that you mentioned the timing with your breakup with Mary and her contacting you. The comment was almost a "see, I still don't know that you two are broken up".
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
it is those comments that make me think this could be more than friends when she is ready... i hope she gets to see more of the "Mary Relationship-IH" at the bonfire... not the exH she still remembers... don't tell her who you are now... let her see it...
