forgive me for trying to reply in a measured way. what I have been told is that W was resentful/anger while with me, but now without me is happy. In reflecting on our MR, there were definitely several ways in which I could have done better, been more attentive, acted more quickly on issues that bothered her. Did she tell me in a way I could understand, maybe/maybe not...was she willing to consult others to help us communicate our issues more effectively in order to move through her feelings of resent/anger, no.
In reply to Maika, I was happy in the marriage. I will say I was not completely happy, but I thought that throughout a marriage there would be natural ebbs and flows in feeling happy or not so I didn't ponder on it too much. Do I feel she was not a suitable partner for me, no I don't. I have the hardest time not believing that I ticked her off through not meeting her expectations, she tried to get her unhappiness through my thick head, I didn't listen and she gave up thinking I would never change. What is interesting to me is that for me personally I never got remotely close to feeling any kind of resentment towards her over the years we were together. I'm sure there were some things occasionally, but nothing at all that would ever rise to the level of my desire to vacate my vows and end our MR.
I'm sorry all...many times when I try to write how I'm feeling, I ramble and my words I feel are never good enough to convey what I'm trying to express. I marvel at folks like Maika, Steve, Stander, ACC, Sandi, etc who's comments are always so professional, excellent and flow so smoothly.
I feel so thankful to all of you who reply to me...I feel terrible that at times I feel so tougne tied in my attempts at reply. I loved her, I failed her, she couldn't take anymore and walked. Need to take some time and try to be kind to myself. To love someone so much, be SO dedicated to not failing a 2nd time and hear of her long list of supposed things I could not provide her AND her complete unwillingness to seek help for us...honestly that pain will last much longer than the BD.
"what I have been told is that W was resentful/anger while with me, but now without me is happy."
Remember, believe NOTHING she says. I am sure most of us have felt resentful and angry in our MR at times. But that doesn't mean it was that way in totality. Further, if she was miserable without you YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW THAT! She would never project that to you if she could help it, and certainly wouldn't say it.
ballast, you are too hard on yourself. Your comments and posts are fine. There are many times I go back and read my posts and think "wow, I could have worded that or conveyed that in a much clearer, more succinct way". None of us are perfect.
Hang in there brother, it will get better.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
