Hey Gordie! I logged in today specifically to catch up on your situation. Glad I did because between what you have been posting and the advice you've been given I found quite a bit of good stuff that's helped me a lot. You guys are amazing!
I wanted to give my 2 cents on the situation with joining W with her interests vs enjoying your own time with and without the kids. I think that the solution to that has a lot to do with your personal dynamic with W. I think that you are right about leveraging that with her desire to work on the marriage and trying not to push her away.
My Ws reason for wanting to split was due to us growing apart and not doing stuff together (well, the reason she gave, although obviously if that were really it, my desire to work with her to make things better would have gone over better). While she is right that over the years we became more kid focused and not as focused on us, we did still do things together. Having said that, I don't want to discount her feelings on the situation because I would have liked us to be closer too. We were just of different mindsets about it. I felt like as much as I would like for her and I to go out all the time, we were very busy and our time with the kids is limited. They will grow up and go out on their own soon. I wasn't trying to sacrifice our relationship to be with the kids, but I felt like we needed do our best for the kids for now and enjoy family time and that soon it would be just her and I again to go back out and concur the world together. I now feel like I should have balanced that better...even if it wouldn't have actually prevented the situation we are in now (I firmly believe she was going to go through MLC regardless).
So your dilemma about how to handle joining your Ws interest resonates a bit with me. On one hand I value my time with the kids and don't want to miss out on any opportunities to add depth and value to both our relationships and their lives, as well as enjoy just being with them. I also don't want to rearrange my life just because she has decided that she might want me to do something with her (speaking hypothetically, I'm not there yet (if ever)). On the other hand, I also want her to feel that I am interested in her interests. Not that I share the interests, but that I am interested in her and appreciate that she HAS interests and am willing to support her in them.
The best I can say in that situation, is to seek balance. Do enough to show your interest in her stuff without sacrificing your own needs. If that doesn't work you can always pull back. Good luck my friend!
