I will say I was not completely happy, but I thought that throughout a marriage there would be natural ebbs and flows in feeling happy or not so I didn't ponder on it too much. Do I feel she was not a suitable partner for me, no I don't. I have the hardest time not believing that I ticked her off through not meeting her expectations, she tried to get her unhappiness through my thick head, I didn't listen and she gave up thinking I would never change. What is interesting to me is that for me personally I never got remotely close to feeling any kind of resentment towards her over the years we were together.
Ok! I am going to challenge you on this because I don't buy it. I want you to honestly self-reflect, and even do the list that RP suggested. You say there are ebbs and flows - of course, but did you just let things slide that you didn't like? I am sure she did things you didn't appreciate, and she didn't meet your needs in some ways. I think you're being dismissive about your own personal needs and what you actually would've liked to see from her in the relationship. I can see your heart all over your message and I know you're hurting and that you're not able to objectively see what your marriage was and how she was in the marriage and contributed to its downfall.
Now about the listening thing - did she point blank tell you during the marriage you weren't listening to her? Or is this something she said after BD? Did she talk about her needs in circles?
Maybe you didn't have resentment, but explore the ebbs and flows more directly and see what you find. I don't want you to respond to this like right now. Go take a break from here, reflect and then come back in a day.
