WAW - Managing Limbo Period Pt 2

[40free]

Thanks to you both, Steve and V. I think you're right - intel is important and does help me decide how to play things with her day to day. I did feel bad at the time, but can see that, used in the right way and not obsessively, 'checking' whilst I have the opportunity isn't something I should feel bad about.

We're now on vacation and shared a bed for the first time in 10 weeks last night. Was fine. A bit weird, but we both just went to sleep as we'd shared the evening with some friends and a fair amount of alcohol, so just both dealt with it. No words spoken, just goodnight - although come to think of it, I think that was just me. Whatever.

Steve - just on your helpful insight, our think our sitches are indeed similar in some respects. I've been catching up on yours and am up to about the end of April.. so still some way to go. Our W's do show similar tendencies, although I am certainly not expecting mine to suddenly initiate sex any time soon! No problem with her libido, just she was using it with the OM and not me... I'm hoping our MC sessions do help turn my W around (and me for that matter), but am feeling like this is unlikely given as you rightly point out, this is just delay tactics and she really isn't invested in the process - yet. Maybe the MC session will be a turning point.

Ultimately I decided that I would just do what she was willing to do (even if reluctant) and let things fall where they may.

As regards our upcoming MC session, I have reached the same conclusion as you did about doing what she feels willing to do, but I do feel that in this first session I need to use the opportunity to push for transparency and test whether what she says about the OM relationship being over is really true. I'm debating as to whether to reveal that I know about the burner phone as part of that discussion as that will force her to be honest in front of the counsellor. Or I could just ask for transparency, get her to agree, then monitor whether she sticks to it with some continued 'checking'. What are your thoughts?

Look at the positives, she has agreed to working on the MR and going to MC. That is huge, lots of others here would give anything to have that occur, even if their spouses weren't completely into it at first. She doesn't want to tell the kids. Lots of other sitches here the WAS/WS has no problem completely destroying their families' and kids' live with what they are doing.

You are absolutely right. These definitely are positives and a good start, even if she is doing both for selfish reasons - namely she is too scared and guilt-ridden to pull the trigger. But I'll take them. And maybe, just maybe, these will be a platform for wanting to work on the MR and at least try with me. I have to admit, I am not seeing any attempt on her part to make more effort with me since she decided this was the route she wanted to take, which to me is more evidence this was just a way to take the pressure off for now and not actually to do anything with it. For example, she's still acting like she has moved on, doing her own thing and not sharing quite major things with me that she is working on - like applying for new jobs, something which she happily told our friends over a drink last night, but hadn't told me herself. Like she's making a point of excluding me from things in her life. And when I said to her should I cancel our next mediation appointment since we are seeking to try to work on our MR, her precise words in response were "Yep, ok". Nothing more nothing less. Like she was resigned to this situation but not really convinced.

Anyway, I think we're all in agreement - she's reluctantly taking this route, and I'm going with it for now and we'll see how it plays out. Under the guise of a business meeting, I'm going to take one night / morning out our of the vacation to go to see my own IC (who is not far from where we are staying) to help prep for our MC on Monday. I feel that we both need a break from each other as well, as it is quite intense staying in a small cabin together and the two of us back sharing a bedroom.

I'll keep you posted, and thanks as always for your continued guidance and support. It feels good to have you there with me, and helps me get through the rough days that admittedly do seem to be getting less and less numerous.