Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by Dawn70
but I just know if it were me and I was even being considered, I would want to know ASAP, but then again, I'm a planner, so that is on me.


I'll replay to some of the other comments - especially your well thought ones Dawn - but I almost made a post on another thread how much of the advice here is based on what the poster would want or would do - not necessarily what might be the best thing to do. In fact, I started to put together a post where someone said "I think I would want" and "If it were me" and "I don't like it when". There were well over a dozen "I" statements in this person's reply to the OP. I was going to quote them and then say "I, I, I, I, I - it's NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!!" But I thought that was too mean and snarky even for me. I'm sure we are all guilty of it - including me. I just always at least try to consider what I've read or what experts suggest, what best practices are, etc. rather than what I would want or what I would do - because heck just because I would like it or do it doesn't mean it's the best way to handle it. Hard as it is, I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and figure out what is best for THEIR situation rather than what might be best for me.

Very smart and sharp of you to point this out Dawn, and sort of tee it up for me. That said, you made some great points, many of which I agree with, and I'll try to comment on them here soon.


Totally get it. And I totally am guilty of posting to someone saying things like "IF IT WERE ME" because here's the thing....I'm replying to their post with MY opinion, so "if it were me" is totally relevant to me. In my opinion, which may be totally different from yours, this is the beauty of this site.....we can post something that is obviously how we think and feel and then others can post on it based on their thoughts and feelings, which may or may not match ours. I'm not saying you have to ask her now. You have to do what is right for you. That is how life works. I was just pointing out that if I were in your situation, and particularly if I was in WG's situation, I would want to know sooner rather than later. I understand and respect your reasons and also what kml said in her agreement with you that 6 months is too soon. You do you, man.........I wasn't suggesting otherwise. Merely pointing out that that there are other viewpoints. And, just for the record, I do try to offer well thought out comments (for the most part) because I appreciate the well thought out ones I receive and I do "listen" to them, even if they don't match my own already set hard-headed opinion. I'm a stubborn, hard-headed, redneck farm girl, so I can be kinda belligerent when I have to be. You don't get good at riding horses by not being able to snort back at a 1300 pound beast and hang on when they do their best to try to throw you to the ground. wink But that is another story for another time on my own post..............................

Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids