The beginning of a long and painful journey

[Rawpain]

Just an update
Last Friday W asked me to drop the kids off with her after I collect them from school. I refused as we had not agreed to change the childrens schedule. I told her I had already made plans with the kids for that night. Arguments followed over text but she finally agreed that I could have the kids.

I got to Nursery and W was just leaving (she is the manager there). She seemed shifty and was in a hurry and said she was going to fetch the kids bed time bears. I had an issue that my W had told the staff at nursery to hide DD shoes. So I had to take her home in wellingtons. I was very angry at this and DD was not happy to be wearing wellies. I collected my S and both the kids started crying. Saying they wanted to be at there mums. I told them that I had plans for them to sleep over at my Mums so they could see my nieces before they went back home. They both still cried so I called W and told her to pick them up because she has spoiled my Friday with the kids. We got home and waited for over an hour but she never showed up.

I had been fighting a stomache bug all day so my sister came to collect the kids and took them for the sleepover. I went upstairs and spent the whole night being very poorly.

The following day I txt W to ask what time she wanted the kids. She replied not until late afternoon. This is really frustrating. She acts like she wants the kids but when she is supposed to have them she does not want them. I was happy to have the time with them. She came to collect them that afternoon. Late as usual. We did not talk.

I put together a new schedule for the kids and emailed it to her. The next day I asked W if she agreed to it. W said she did not understand it. So I asked to call. She said no but we can discuss it when she drops the kids off.

W brought kids home on time and I asked her to come in and she agreed (only second time she has entered the house after leaving) . We were civil and discussed the schedule . I offered for her to have the kids this weekend because I am taking them on holiday for a week. She only wants them for one day! Then W asked if I could have them the weekend when we get back because she has a CrossFit competition. I agreed. This to me just showed that her new life style is taking priority over the kids. The competition will not go on all day and all night. So she is obviously going for drinks that night too. So she seems to only want the kids when I have them and seems to do it just so we can argue. I did not say any of this to her.

She stayed for over an hour and the kids took her around the house whilst I got on with jobs. They showed W the sunflowers they had grown that where a mother’s day present (I offered them to her before she left. She declined). The kids were ecstatic that there mum was back in the house.

I was polite and confident. Smartly dressed and smelt good during the visit.The house looked great. I did not linger and to be honest I was not interested in spending any time with W and only discussed the kids. It did feel really strange that I was not emotionally wanting towards her. I do not know if that’s good or bad. I just feel that she has hurt and betrayed me too much.

I have been GAL . I have reinvested in my hobbies. Cycling. Drawing. Sorting through my action figure collection and doing my excersises. I am feeling much more confident in myself and I am learning to be happy in just my own company.

I can not wait to go away with the kids next week.