It's been over a year and a half since I posted here, but DB just crossed my mind and I decided to have a quick look and, in case some old timers are still around, give an update. Maybe it would inspire some newbies.
First.... I have been DBed myself! I had broken up mid-2017 with the girl I was dating in my last message. Things were alright but I couldn't see a future together and I thought it was better for her to end it sooner than later (there was no one else on my end). Fast forward two months later and a chance encounter meant that we talked again. I was very wary because I knew that she had been hurt and didn't want to give her false hopes, but I accepted to hear her side of the story. Well, she told me all the right things! She was telling me how she regretted playing a role with me when we were together because she thought it would be attractive (the lack of connection was a factor of the breakup), she told me how she had changed for herself and how these changes corresponded to where she wanted to go, etc. So I agreed to see her again... and again... until it seemed clear that we could "get back together". It's now been almost a year and things are much better in phase 2 of our relation. In a way, it demonstrates the point of DB that the LBS can learn and change.
As for my XW, she remarried in May, with OM. I never thought it would get that far, but apparently it did. The bad part of me wants it to fail, but my better angels know that this stability is better for the kids (and me) and he's not a bad step-parent as far as I can tell. I still have the conviction that it won't last, but after almost 4 years, it's harder to say that it was just limerence.
I'm not entirely over my D though. I have accepted that I might never be. People seem to see it as weakness, or I perceive it as such, but if I was widowed, people would understand that I carry this pain with me for decades. It's still a very sensitive topic and I know that my GF finds it a little hard to have this emotion around. It's something that I discuss less with people around me, but it's still a topic with the people closest to me.
The kids are doing well (now 10 and 6) but they are not over the D either and will probably never be. They miss the other parent. Last week, D6 cried in a shop because she was sad I was no longer with her mom. It came at a random moment, showing how it's always close to their minds.
On the personal front, I'm proud to report that I have kept my gym habit for over three years by now, which is no small feat for someone who doesn't enjoy the process. I've also had professional success, growing my business and income. I bought a motorcyle last summer, a 20+ year-old project (I had an off-road when I lived with my parents), to take advantage of my weeks without the kids.
So that's it! From a quick search around, I'm glad to see that my old collection of success stories is still around and that they can still inspire some.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
