Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 3

[Davide]

Just another check in. I just completed two straight days of 600 miles driving, so I am a bit exhausted. Today I was able to do some light meditation, focused breathing and awareness of my body and surroundings, while driving. In past days I did 20-30 minutes, but today I got to 30 minutes and was feeling good, so kept going for a full hour. No music, no distractions, just my own breathing and the rhythm of driving. I was supposed to talk to my IC today, but I was on the road and the phone connection didn't hold up. Unfortunately, he is now going on his own road trip and I don't know if I will be able to speak in person with him over the next 3 weeks. I already scheduled an appointment with a local one in my city to see in person when i get back, but given how fraught my return to the marriage-house is I would really like to have someone to talk to over the next few weeks.

I did however have an interaction with the W. First, I saw that she perused another one of my instagram stories. That was my first external reminder of her in 10 days or so. It definitely through me off at first, but I was able to shrug it off. I got back to listening to my book on tape which has gotten very interesting all of a sudden. Then, when I got in to my AirBnb in Cincy, I got an email from her. After saying that she hoped I was having fun on the trip, it was all business, talking about what she would like to take from the house and what she is thinking of leaving behind. At the end she also asked for my ETA and whether or not I wanted her to be there. It was pretty long and detailed. I just saw it 5 minutes ago, and it definitely took my breathe away just a bit, simply because we have been almost completely NC for the past month. It's nothing surprising, but still a bit hard to see in black white on the screen. I'm still clearly not at the point where it is water off a duck's back. I thought I was working towards that, but interactions definitely draw me back in. I am calm, but hurt and sad. It feels like another unwanted reminder of the reality of my situation. I guess I was going to have to confront that sooner or later anyway. At the very least, I feel like I am in a better situation to handle it than I would have been a month or two ago. I want to honor my emotional response, but also move past it. Hopefully I can meet up with some fellow conference goers tonight and grab a beer or otherwise distract myself.

I'll respond to the email tomorrow or the next day, all business. I'll let her know to take whatever she wants. The only thing I'll need to replace is the spare couch/bed for the 2nd bedroom. I'll also tell her that I have no idea of my ETA since I have no idea where I will be coming from at that point. I think it would probably be best if she isn't there, as that won't help my detachment either.