AnotherStander, I totally agree. Detachment is not something that I understood until I experienced it. And I can't say I've mastered it. Initially, I thought it was just a version of "going dark" or pulling back to get the WW to take notice.
It is something all relationships require to thrive. It is when we become too enmeshed that we become too reliant on another for the way we feel. Unhealthy. This applies to all relationships, IMO. To borrow from another, we should love in a way that each other feels free. Steve85 has often reminded us that we are to believe her actions more than their words. It's easy to try to decipher every little conversation while we forget that often they are struggling as well and words can be nothing more than defense mechanisms to combat whatever pain or struggle the W is experiencing. A way to push back. This in no way justifies their actions. I think I started to figure it out when I grew more comfortable with the idea that life without this MR wasn't the end of the world and in fact had its own benefits.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
