Kiro - I feel for you and so many of our stories have such similar trajectories.
Yeh, my W had achieved a high paying job in a role she wanted; we got a new car for her (it was used but she still picked it out and it was hers); we bought a new wonderful home; kids were more stable and settled; she started a new grad program that she wanted to pursue for a long time; she had me - even though I had my imperfections back then, but I was still a decent partner - I managed all household finances; I was the primary cook; I took care of the cars and all the DIY stuff; I didn't look for a job to take care of my young kids so that she could continue on her career path; I went back to work and started contributing financially as well, even though she earned more (our industries are different and there is no way I can compete with what she can make). on the other side - I was depressed over time due to some tragic life circumstances; became emotionally distant and developed NGS; sex life kinda went lack luster over time because it wasn't meeting my needs, and probably hers too; and was conflict avoidant.
She told me she was unhappy after a few months we got married (buyer's remorse?) and has been unhappy throughout. Major news to me as I remember us being happy and making our life together from scratch. We went through hardships and made it together. We both gave up stuff to make the marriage work for us and for the children and figured how to make it manage based on our circumstances. It wasn't like we were destitute, but we made it work and we always had food and shelter even if our jobs weren't stellar in the beginning.
The other complaint she had was that she didn't have any friends and community and I wasn't interested in having friends. That she was lonely. Even when we moved to a new neighborhood, I pushed her to spend time with some people and see if it was social circle that she would've liked. I also went with her a few times to hang out with neighbors, even though it wasn't what I wanted to do. Anyways, another BS complaint that was about her and not me. I never stopped her from making friends or being more social. I was more of a home body at that point and it got worse as I was depressed.
So, all in all, I have realized that this is way more about her than me. And I can't fix her. Even if I wanted to and she was willing, I don't have the tools. I can support her and be there for her and work with her, but she removed all of that from happening. So, I am moving forward with my life, improving my flaws and creating a more grounded and complete life for me and my kids. That is the most I can ask because I have some control over it.
I am not 100% sure if she is a WW or a WAW. Feels like a mix of both to me. But, I approached DB with what I could do best and I realized what I also couldn't do. And that is the best I can ask of myself. Sometimes I wonder if I had done something differently after BD maybe things would be different. But that is a pipe dream because I did what I could do as myself authentically. And there is no one technique that can change things.
