Affair, no feelings...is there hope? V

[44tries]

It's a little strange to me that she is the only one that gets to make decisions like this. It sounds like you are putting the decision of whether or not to separate completely in her court. I think thats why you feel so powerless. You say you know you can only control you, but it sounds like you are giving that power to her....

I agree completely. And I don't want to give all that power to her, but I got stuck in the position of "divorce isn't what I want but I respect your choice" and now she holds that decision of whether or not to separate. Of course, I have my half of the control in that I can always choose to walk, but unless I go that route I'm not sure how I can avoid being at the mercy of her own decision in that regard.

I think that plan starts with seeing a professional to navigate through a confusing time. I ouldnt take that on as your responsibility to identify and plan.

This is good advice. I will just make sure to tread carefully and know that if we get to that stage, it will be important to make a plan together that includes counseling and definitive action steps. I agree I am probably getting ahead of myself trying to worry about much of that right this second and without her fully on board with me.