Affair, no feelings...is there hope? V

[44tries]

Firstly, yes it does sound like she is softening to the idea of R. This is exactly how my W started moving back towards the MR. There will be no grand gesture. (Look up the story of Naaman the leper for an allegory about expecting some grand gesture!) It will be a slow, organic process. She will rebel against it a time or two as well so be prepared for that. WWs don't know what they want long-term, only what they are thinking/feeling at that exact moment.

Take it slow. You have made a lot of progress thus far.Lots of LBSs would trade places with you in a second! Let things play out for a while. There will always be time for the deeper MR/R discussions to come. Just concentrate on your GAL, 180s, and detachment. (As I told another poster, look up self-differentiation in a relationship. Detachment isn't just for DBing, it is the healthiest way to be in a MR.

Once you are more sure of R, and she is all in and committed, then I would suggest making MC a condition. She will need to also agree to complete transparency (to rebuild trust). Date nights should be weekly at a minimum to being to reconnect. Look up touch and talk charges (sounds like you are already doing these to a degree, but being more consistent is the key).

Remember, too much pursuit and pressure can still send her running the other way. But be careful that you don't let opportunities slip away. Let her come to you. Let her initiate the R talks. At the same time don't let her skate on the work she needs to do. Letting things go back to the way things were is NOT the direction you want to take or you will end up right back here at some point.

Keep posting and keep us informed.

Thanks Steve, it helps to know this "progression" is pretty normal. My main concern is getting to that long term goal of secure commitment. I don't want to keep taking baby steps toward "not divorcing", but find myself back in the same place a year from now, just like you said. Right now I am enjoying the changes in her respect level and we are getting along great. But I am going to be pretty interested to see the road ahead and make sure we keep moving forward in the right direction.