Need advice on detaching- Part 2

[SteveLW]

kiro, I really think you need to slow down and just coast for a while. You sound successful at work, likely because you are decisive and get things done. But that doesn't translate to these sorts of things. Patience. Waiting things out. Taking it slow. You were right to tell her that you are weren't ready to for mediation. The problem is that lots of LBHs feel the need to do SOMETHING. Anything. It is the delusion of action (others coined that, not me). But action for action sake isn't necessarily what you should be doing..

I would suggest just coasting. Your post hits on A LOT of big topics. Dating, detachings, DBing (which detaching is part of). Please kiro do not confuse DBing with only being for trying to avoid D, or move to R. DBing is about getting yourself in the best mental frame of mind to move forward whether that is D or R. DBing is about improving yourself to the point that you are ready for your new R, whether that is with your W or someone else. DBing is about being the best you that you can be for everyone involved (STBXW, kids, extended family, friends, etc......)

So don't think that if you are considering giving up on your M that you shouldn't be DBing. Not at all. You should keep GAL, 180ing, detaching and improving yourself no matter if you want R or D!!

Not sure why you care about an EA or PA if you really have continued to detach and if you are on the verge of giving up why does it matter?

The best part about your post was where you talked about talking to a lawyer to see what your rights are. You need to do this. Based on your sitch there is a good chance you will go through the D. (Note, that doesn't mean there is no hope for R with your W, just that D might be a step in that process.) And you need to make sure you are legally covered. So many posters here talk about not being able to afford a L, but the reality is that you can't afford to NOT have a L.

Based on what you told us, the way she disappeared on Tuesday I would NOT push her to take the kids 50% of the time. Your kids are to the age where they will be able to choose for themselves who they want to be with. My suggestion (and this is where the improving yourself for all those that are left behind in these sitches) would be to be the best dad you can be! Make that decision a no-brainer for your kids. She has set a precedent by abandoning them. Set a precedent by being the father only a fool would want to leave!