David - my W just came home after having gone to see some houses to rent. She was told by her solicitor that until An agreed childcare arrangement was in place, she couldn’t really rent somewhere with room for our children, clearly she doesn’t want to move out on her own as that could be viewed as abandoning our children. So it does seem like your W is on the wrong side of U.K. law as she stands now
Me:48 W:43, Kids:S19, S17, S10, S8 M:10 years BD:06-18-2018
I have a question for you, you keep talking about your limited visitation as not being your choice, who made that choice and why did you not try to fight it? It seems really odd that a father would go from taking care of the kids all the time to seeing them 2 hours per week unless there's something we don't know (accusations of child abuse or such).
I looked after the kids when we were still together. W then left and took the kids, then we did days out etc. together as a family for a few weeks. Then she told me what access she wanted me to have for a month. I didn't want any conflict as I thought there was a good chance of us getting back togther. Now she is willing for me to do more but we have not yet agreed between us and I now realise that she wants a divorce.
YES. This is what I think everyone in this thread is failing to understand. Maybe it's related to rules in the UK? But I dont see how a mom can just pick up and run away with her kids. Have you been discussing with a lawyer? Is this allowable? It sounds like so far, you are just asking her for time...which is clearly not working. Shouldnt this be coordinated through the courts if you cant agree to something fair?
Yes, they can just take the kids and then the process of getting fair access can take a very long time. The best option is to try to agree between us. If not, then we can go through a mediation process. If we still can't agree then it can go to a court. The process can take many months or years. I know a guy who has been trying for 4 years to get good access to his kids and the courts are hopeless are enforcing their judgements. The system is really bad in the UK and is a reason why so many fathers give up.
If W and I divorce then I will only get half the profit from the house and so I won't be able to afford to live in the area.
Have you had that info from a good U.K. family lawyer? My wife is paying a very expensive solicitor and she has been implicitly told she can’t take the kids from our family home until we have both agreed terms for childcare and have a legal arrangement in place
Me:48 W:43, Kids:S19, S17, S10, S8 M:10 years BD:06-18-2018
I am still alone at the family home and my close friends live very far away so I lack any support in person.
Maybe it's time to include that in your GAL. How can you start doing activities that bring you closer to your community?
I know quite a few other parents but they also know W so I don't feel that I can say much to them at this time.
I had started going to a local pub, got to know a few regulars there, but then realised that they are not the sort of people I want to be friends with. There isn't much else to do locally.
I travelled into the city but I had to leave as there were happy memories everywhere of W and I, and there were families having fun. I had to go home as I was too upset.
I am confident enough to talk to strangers to start a conversation but I don't know anyone locally to go for a day out together etc.
Have you had that info from a good U.K. family lawyer? My wife is paying a very expensive solicitor and she has been implicitly told she can’t take the kids from our family home until we have both agreed terms for childcare and have a legal arrangement in place
Originally Posted by herbie
Have you had that info from a good U.K. family lawyer? My wife is paying a very expensive solicitor and she has been implicitly told she can’t take the kids from our family home until we have both agreed terms for childcare and have a legal arrangement in place
A UK family lawyer advised me to sort it between ourselves if possible or then go through a mediation process to try to agree. You can only go to a court if mediation has failed. Then the court decides.
If W doesn't stick to the court agreement then you have to go back to court where she may get a small fine. The UK system is a nightmare.
Therefore, be aware that if your W takes the kids there's nothing you can do to get them back insofar as the police won't get involved to take them back. You have to go through a legal process.
What happened to me, I went to collect the kids from school as usual. The school told me they had been taken by W during the day. I then realised that W had left me and taken them. They still go to the same school. In theory, I could go and collect them early one day and bring them home to live with me. In fact W is now asking me about collecting them on some days because she is having problems doing it around her job (where she is most likely to be having an A, if she is).
In fact W is now asking me about collecting them on some days because she is having problems doing it around her job (where she is most likely to be having an A, if she is).
What is best for the kids and what is best for you? My feeling is that rather than being her babysitter and on-call help, you re-establish yourself as a parent. Can you plan to have the kids overnight on certain, consistent days? What works best collaboratively between the two of you?
From what I understand - (a mother of one of my son’s oldest friends is a senior partner in a London family law firm) Courts and judges don’t look favourably on someone who uproots children from a family home before proper childcare agreements have been decided by both parties
Me:48 W:43, Kids:S19, S17, S10, S8 M:10 years BD:06-18-2018
[I had started going to a local pub, got to know a few regulars there, but then realised that they are not the sort of people I want to be friends with. There isn't much else to do locally.
I travelled into the city but I had to leave as there were happy memories everywhere of W and I, and there were families having fun. I had to go home as I was too upset.
I am confident enough to talk to strangers to start a conversation but I don't know anyone locally to go for a day out together etc.
I dont know much about UK, but in the US, there are tons of meetup groups or other boards on facebook/social media for people of like minded interests to get together to do things. Hiking, board games, book club, knitting club....whatever your fancy, Ill best there is a group out there. Making new friends and trying new activities is an INCREDIBLE way to build confidence and keep your mind occupied.
When W and I were together, I wrote a song for her. I told her that one day I would get it played on a particular radio station. After W left, I contacted the radio station and they said they would play it.
I knew when it was going to be played. W refused to listen to it on the radio back in the family home with the kids & I. W went off to listen in the car. The kids were amazed and the DJ said it was dedicated to them. W missed that amazing moment seeing the kids so, so happy. W returned to collect the kids, she seemed excited and delighted and said she was proud of me. That was on 16.06.2018.
The best for the kids and I would be to reunite our family with W. It would help to repair all the hurt feelings and learn from past mistakes. I would give anything for W to give us a chance.
The next big challenge for me will be when W returns to collect the rest of her things from the house in the next few days. It will be the first time she has been into the house since she left. I have done some jobs to make it look much better. It's a lot better than where she is now living. She will take some furniture. To me it will seem that she is breaking up our home and she is unlikely to ever go into the house ever again. I don't know how I should be with her about it. Anyone have any ideas?
